I feel very bad, and very embarrased… so I will copy this e-mail also in the blog to expose my embarrasment…
right now I am dancing my embarrasment and shame in the internet
I hope that serves as an apology.
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dear dancers,
I’m happy that (some of) you read my blog, and I’m sorry if it gave you a bad impression… please don’t take it wrong. it is very natural and part of a creative process that some rehearsals are great and some are not very good. it is a very normal thing. it is our work, we are creating something new, all the time. I don’t want to conform with something that I already know, and this means there are some risks. things can result in different ways, and that is what makes it exciting.
I am very happy to be working with all of you, and I am very thankful for your cooperation. I think the group is very commited and hard working. I also know you have a lot of things to do, and I just try to do my work: that is, to make in the rehearsals we have, the best possible coreography. I think the dancers I am working with are great.
also, I write in this blog because it’s a way to help me think about things. and because it is also a challenge for me to open up, and try to share my thoughts and feelings. sometimes I feel embarrased about what I say in the blog, and for me it is like putting myself in a similar situation to the dancers. when you perform the coreography you are very exposed and I ask you to not let these feelings block you. and I try to do the same: I try to write and share my thoughts, without holding back. like in rehearsals: I try to tell you what I think, even if I sound very stupid. the blog also makes me feel a bit ashamed sometimes (also because I change my opinion every day!) but I don’t mean anything bad… when I write, it’s a tool for documenting what I’m thinking during this trip. sometimes I try to write in a funny way, just to make it nicer to read. I (try to) use a lot of ironies so please don’t take things in the blog too seriously…
our dance piece has been growing and developing a lot. like I said when we first met, I think a process like this needs more time. but it is also great to work together, I like to do it, even if we don’t have so much time… maybe I am not very good at working with this time…
I also think the piece was, maybe, too long. but I think now it’s better. the last two rehearsals (thursday and friday this week) were very productive. in any case, thank you very much for your comments: I love to hear them, and I would like to hear even more. and also during the rehearsals, please discuss more with me. let’s fight a bit more. I think we will make a better coreography together that way.
I believe that all of this is (our emails, trying to have fun, making some jokes, writing in the blog) is also part of our coreography…
one more thing that I already said in the blog: how the piece looks in the end is not the most important thing for me. I want to have fun with the performance, and want the audience to have fun. in fact, I want the audience to love the coreography, and to stand and clap and yell “Bravo!” and ask me to do more coreographies and to come back to Japan many times… of course I want all that. but the most important for me is this process we are having. my favourite thing of making a coreography are the rehearsals, spending time together, trying to find the best ideas. I am learning a lot and I love the challenge of not speaking the same language. we just find a way to communicate… I think it works, and that all that effort creates something beautiful… I think it creates a very unique coreography.
I still feel bad! I hope you get all my apologies and realise that I didn’t mean to say anything bad.
I know that next time there will be a very tense atmosphere. I hope I knew how to help you all feel better and more calm… I would like to see you have more fun in the run, not only because it’s nice, but because it also makes the performances much better.
I think the audience will enjoy our piece. I think they will like to see how the same dancers can dance pieces that are very different – the way I ask you to perform my piece (this is what I call ‘presence’ or ‘performativity’) is very different from the usual modern dance. and I think is great that the audience can see in the other pieces some of your skills, and in my coreography, your other skills: the intelligence of your bodies, your sensitivity, your capacity to create instantly new things by making decisions about space, by playing the coreography like a game…
one last last thing, to finish this very long e-mail:
sumimaseeeeeeeeeeeeeen!
Mr. Pablo-chan
